One of the things i've become a part of at MCM is our afternoon sports program. On Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, boys from the neighborhood can come play soccer on our high school's concrete court. The program is for "at-risk youth". Some of the boys study in our school; some of them study in the Catholic or public schools; some work at jobs like selling newspapers on the street seven days a week; some are neither in school nor working. Besides providing a place for youth to engage in Honduras' national pastime, we try to encourage the youth in the program to reflect on and develop values like honesty, justice, fair play, etc.
Working in the sports program has been difficult at times. We are currently trying to make it more formal. In the past, the sports program has been a place for youth to come and play soccer for two hours. Now, we are trying to incorporate reflections, activities, exercises, etc. into the program. However, like any program here, consistency is a challenge as one day we are sticking to a strict program and not allowing youth to enter the court after the program starts, while the next i'm the only adult leader there and the youth and i play pickup for two hours.
Besides these challenges i've faced with the program, i've faced other challenges as well. And one of their names is Alex. Alex is 18 years old, the oldest youth who consistenly attends the program. From the first day i visited the program, Alex struck me as a smart-ass mainly interested in causing problems. For awhile he really liked yelling things at me in English like "Where's the rent?!" or "The money! The money! A dollar!" This was really frustrating as i felt like i didn't need to be reminded by some kid that people here will look at me (not inaccurately) as a rich U.S. American, when that's not how i want to be viewed at all.
But, i tried to be patient with Alex, and a few weeks ago, things shifted ever-so-slightly through an unexpected event. I was playing goalie for my team, and no one was really taking the game very seriously, but still, Alex, who was on the other team, was celebrating every goal he made (more than i'll admit here) a little too enthusiastically i thought. At the same time, another one of the older kids and i were shooting baskets on a net behind the goal. As i was holding the basketball, getting ready to shoot, i turned around and saw Alex coming down the court all by himself on a breakaway. "Oh great. Here we go," i thought. I walked out in front of the net, ready to give a token effort at stopping his breakaway. Then, as he got close, i realized that i was still holding the basketball. Impulsively i reeled back and fired the ball, hitting the soccer ball and Alex and causing his shot to go well wide of the net. He was shocked (as was i for a moment) and then, in a sudden letting go of frustration that i had felt about the way Alex had been treating me, i started laughing, gave Alex a high five (which translates to "we're cool, right?"), and we kept playing. Just a few days after that Alex spotted me on the bus and said "hi" to me, and after that things were a little more friendly between us. I think seeing that i had a sense of humor and was at least partly able to stick up for myself caused Alex to respect me a little bit.
As welcome as these changes were, a lot stayed the same. Two Saturdays ago, we hosted a tournament in Nueva Suyapa for girls' and boys' teams from Nueva Suyapa and two other communities that we have a network with. Alex and some of his friends showed up in the afternoon and were very disruptive. Alex chased one of our players onto the field during a game between the two other communities and started kicking him. He and his friends were being very loud and kept fighting a lot. Finally, as Alex and a friend of his were running around, being very loud, and fighting, i finally decided that it was time for him to leave, and escorted him out of the court. While i was unhappy with how Alex and his friends had disrupted the tournament, i tried to keep loving Alex.
On Thursday, as i was getting ready to leave the court, i stopped to say goodbye to Alex. Instead of a quick "see you later," we struck up a conversation. He asked me what part of the U.S. i am from, how long i'm going to be in Honduras, etc. Then, suddenly, he asked me, "Why don't the people there love/want Hondurans?" I was struck by the sincerity and vulnerability in this question from this guy whom i'd only seen as a troublemaker, smart-ass, and goof. I tried to tell him that there is racism and pride in the U.S., but that not all people are that way. I told him that i would not be living in Honduras if i didn't like Hondurans.
This conversation transformed the way i look at Alex and myself. Throughout my whole relationship with Alex up to that point i had judged Alex according to the most obvious, external layer of his personality and behavior without giving any thought to the deeper layers that might cause such personality and behavior. By having just one brief conversation with Alex i realized that his actions towards me were not because of hatred or simply the desire to make me look ridiculous (although he presented them that way), but rather more likely out of fear and mistrust based on my identity as a U.S. American. I realized that, as much as i dissociate myself from my U.S. identity in my own view of myself and expect others to do the same, that's simply not reality, in either case. The fact is that my identity has been shaped more than i can even realize by my U.S. context and that people here will make initial judgements of me, for better or worse, based largely on the color of my skin and the way i speak Spanish (and the way i play soccer, i.e. badly). I realized that although i had been so frustrated initially by how Alex treated me, i actually had a lot to benefit from his rude reminders of how he (and others) looks at me. And as Alex gets to know me better i hope not to make him view U.S. Americans and the way Hondurans are treated in the U.S. differently, but rather, simply to cause him to view me in a more complete way and to respect me for who i am in spite of my faults. And i hope to do the same towards him.
This weekend we had another soccer tournament, this time with some churches in Nueva Suyapa and our team from the sports program. Alex once again showed up, but this time not to disrupt and to fight, but to coach. The director of the program, Henry, could not come to the tournament, so if it were not for Alex, who i didn't even know would be there, i would have been left to try to coach our team by myself, which wouldn't really have been coaching at all. But with Alex there to assign positions, call out instructions, and give the halftime speeches, i could play the role of the supportive assistant and waterboy. I really respected the way Alex showed up for the younger kids in the sports program. And largely thanks to him, we won our final game and took third place in the tournament. We even got a trophy.
